glass-hero

:((((((((((((((((((((((((((

2009-12-26T13:04:00.002+08:00

Today I told my mother that I'm not going to Cambridge and I thought the decision would finally take the load off of me and she said something like, 'I'm happy and I never thought you were ready.' Where I thought I'd get assurance I'm left without a sure road to a future I want and the realization that she never really believed in me. I don't even know why I cry. This sounds like something right out of FML. We should all be laughing, really.

for the love of life

2009-11-18T17:56:00.001+08:00

LOVE STORY by glass-hero

when my love was gone

my heart grew fond

of this came sweet love poems

then curiousity induced

me to prod and deduce

and from this jealous love was born

sweet and jealous love valiantly fought

oh what a storm each side brought

that when true love returned both loves were but drought

and of this epic he knew nought

anti-you

2009-09-17T01:29:00.004+08:00

Here I am, supposed to be many things right now, but turning out to be the online shopper that I am. I die! Ew. I don't even like Rachel Zoe.

http://www.gojane.com/38089-pants-strapless-painted-floral-romper.html

http://earlgreyparty.livejournal.com/

http://www.heysugarnyc.com/

Alright, the last one isn't a clothes shop but I'm just as much food-horsey, if not more of.

Oh my wants! What's wrong with me.

I actually attribute this to stress from school. N-T-YOU, school. N-T-YOU, tests and quizzes. N-T-YOU, all the extra things replacing my zen. N-T-YOU!!!

no saccharine for this brew

2009-09-11T21:00:00.003+08:00

No sachharine for this brew,
adults get their fix
flat

When you're all grown up
the tears you cry are not so worth
your close ones' fussing over
they're same tears you've shed
over the same mistakes,
same heartaches
To me
they're worth ten times the first tear's pain
sadder
more pathetic
less releasing
a heavier tear to shed.
Lucky, lucky, lucky,
All the things to be thankful for.
I hate having to get stronger everytime I fall.

something to fend for

2009-06-13T16:14:00.007+08:00

Between fight and flight
is the blind man's sight
and a choice that's right

of codes and non-fiction

2009-06-07T01:33:00.003+08:00

Can't help feeling like the world's most lopsided person, and its not just my ears I'm talking about. I remember being balanced. It was good. You've never felt tilted beyond your threshold, that all you can do is topple? Lucky you. There's a name for people like that. Bu4 dao3 weng1 (chinese). I always thought I'd be one of those people.

ludovican

2009-05-20T03:32:00.002+08:00

Deadly
by glass-hero

Somewhere between the euphoria
of new found faith and hope
joy and passions
Breeds the psuedo creature of
anxiety
Lurks the elusive monster of despair

end

all the lesser in fear

2009-04-22T00:54:00.004+08:00

I'll always wonder if you're happy enough

jack london is king (of fiction)

2009-04-05T23:39:00.006+08:00

Okay, I'm barely 6 pages into Jack London's Before Adam and I've discovered the single coolest piece of infomation in my life. No seriously. Here read it yourself:

"For instance, there was the falling-through-space dream - the commonest dream experience, one pratically known, by first-hand experience, to all men.

This, my professor told me, was a racial memory. It dated back to our remote ancestors who lived in trees. With them, being tree dwellers, the liability of falling was an ever-present menance. Many lost their lives that way; all of them experienced terrible falls, saving themselves by clutching branches as they fell toward the ground.

Now a terrible fall, averted in such fashion, was productive of shock. Such shock was productive of molecular changes in the cerebral cells. These molecular changes were transmitted to the cerebal cells of progeny; became, in short, racial memories. Thus, when you and I, asleep or dozing off to sleep, fall through space and awake to sickening conscioucness just before we strike, we are merely remembering what happened to our aboreal ancestors, and which has been stamped by cerebral changes into the heredity of the race."

Are you reeling in the coolness of it all yet? COOL RIGHT. What about sea dwellers! Maybe that's where dreams of the sea and water come from. Though I've never dreamt of drowning, only of having been drowned. And the fish. Omens, omens. Ooh :)

Now to read up on its credibility.

golden ray jetty

2009-03-25T01:48:00.005+08:00

Oh I'm just waiting till the shine wears off

Beautiful isn't it? I could watch sunsets over the sea all over the world with you, whole days long. We'd talk about life and its unneccessary complications, and enjoy the ease and peace of our companionship. Here the world falls away at the edges, leaves just the two of us, hanging by our fingertips. Like before, like how it has always meant to be. I can hardly wait.

halfway there

2009-03-18T01:18:00.002+08:00

If I leave today
all that will be left of me
is this half-finished train of thought
a half-read book
not even dog-earred to show where I stopped
half a catholic journey
half-loved dog and humans
A halfway girl in a half-planned life
its just not the stuff legends are made of.

you are inspiration enough

2009-03-10T11:40:00.004+08:00

I'm starting to recognise my writing style to be very oddly british. Particularly long-winded and prone to digression. Not to mention the fact that while writing I always imagine the text that flows out of my head through my hand and into the writing medium to be narrated in full british accent. Most times its a lady;s voice. As such, I have no doubt that she is Emma Thompson. When that voice is a man's, it would probably be Douglas Adams's, although I must say I have never had the priviledge of hearing his voice. Its just, his writing style is also oddly long-winded and prone to digression (like mine), albiet retaining all of its humour and charm (maybe not so like mine).

P.S. I cannot wait to watch Disney's Earth movie! I am fundamentally a national geographic girl. Trawling the streets of Paris soaking in the romance of it all is wonderful and good (I will do that too), but! BUT. To hide among the tall grown grass and stalk the lion while it stalks its prey; to swim among the giant fishes and begnin creature of the Great Barrier Reef (I'll get over my fears); to scale nature's colossal ice-and rock sculptures. That is pure happiness. No pretense, no projected ideals, just the bare wonder of God's creations. If I never get to fufill this, at least I hope they show Earth in the Omnimax theatre here.

twilight

2009-03-06T10:55:00.003+08:00

6.45a.m.
In the morning I watch the shadows of the night play against the first light of the dawning day, as I did years before in the evenings when I first moved into this house. The cars below are awakening, making off. Outside my window the world moves as it has always done. Finally I am about to rejoin them. Having lifted everything to my God, I now lie in an ethereal calm. Almost stoic. It is better to coast gently like a ghost above the sea of thoughts and emotions than to drown in its passionate whirlpool of endlessness. Now I am biding my time.

diving bells are dangerous and scary

2009-02-24T02:46:00.007+08:00

A Lovely Salmon
glass-hero

When all is said and done,
what then?
Stillness is a dream;
I only hope that
it is everything moving forth,
not I falling backwards.

When the currents of life

sweep us off our feet,

will you hold fast to me?

And if I cannot keep up
will you fight the rapids
to make it back to me?
But when the tide rolls over our heads
and black depth wraps our bodies down
I shall kiss you my last breath,
send you upwards with all my strength.

end

when the mind stops in bloomington

2009-02-18T18:50:00.004+08:00

The Tides of a Slow Day
by glass-hero

I'm feeling a little peckish
not like the bird in the tree outside your lair
I dont want to peck at your brown hair
No not like an mrt-riding lover
enjoying pecks from Eunos to Dover
I'm feeling a little peckish
for a buffet of international courses
that I know for most part
hasn't been soaked in lard
I want to pick at all that's ours
knowing the rest will be sent to a charity in Lourdes

I'm feeling a little peachy
it's nothing like having cacophobia
I don't think I resemble the Prunus Persica
Nor do I have a dessert craving
the after-effect of pecking
Oh is it so hard to presume
I got a text message and my day just bloomed

end

hey hey :)

when the cold comes out to play

2009-02-16T01:48:00.003+08:00

in your tears and in your blood
in your fire and in your flood
I hear you laugh, I've heard you sing
I wouldn't change a single thing

for you I'd wait
till kingdom comes
until my days
my days are done
just say you'll come and set me free
just say you'll wait,
you'll wait for me

-coldplay

stillness is a dream

2009-02-09T01:57:00.002+08:00

I never knew that every single cell in your body is replaced by a new one over a period of 7 years.
I got this piece of information from an unreliable source, since I read it off a fiction book. nonetheless it was a serious, modern and realistic story (not so much the storyline) and it was a minute revelation for me.
I am an entirely different Anthea from the 12 year old plus Anthea
I am no longer etcetera ectetera, nor am I etcetera etcetera etcetera
but then again, am I not?
That said I wish I was now the perfect ballerina/contemp dancer I set out to be exactly at that age, then I would be able to say viola! behold the new swan and prance around gracefully in glee.
Hey why do I still have myopia? Stupid eyeball cells.

Anyway with any luck nigel wont be home checking out my blog to see if there's any dip on his birthday stuff because if he is there is nothing about anything here! Hahaha. Maybe there's nothing at all. Hahaha this is so fun but I'm entertaining myself. I do love you, dear.

Okay to kick off my new 7-year scheme I have decided to take up bikram yoga and become a lean mean machine like their website promised.

yppah new year

2008-12-31T01:34:00.002+08:00

headache
headache
brain exploding in slow motion
this is why
we should celebrate every day
that is not new year's
I concede;
I'm a messy girl

merry christmas

2008-12-25T00:28:00.003+08:00

Its hard being a romantic,
Its hard being an idealist.
All the worse if you're a romantic idealist
Melancholy seems to be the underlying theme.

but who are we if we don't try
that is how glass heroes are made

feeding frenzy

2008-12-20T16:26:00.003+08:00

It was a sad day when I realised
there are more things to be mortally afraid of than giant fishes
It wasn't today

I'll keep surprising myself

endlessness

2008-11-22T00:57:00.003+08:00

something always takes the place of
missing pieces you can take and put
together even though
you know there's something missing
something always missing always
someone missing something
-Beck, Missing

now what

solace

2008-11-13T23:58:00.004+08:00

solace
in the rush of diesel-soaked air
in the vast outside world
in the open possibilities
in the laughs of loved ones
in the familiar waters
in forgotten favourite songs
in another's story
in unexpected kindnesses
in freedom come so close

like teethering on the edge of reason

like losing my religion

2008-09-12T20:36:00.005+08:00

This Imminence
glass hero
the jarring note on minor key
again, again
seems to strike from inside
faster louder
the mind's in frenzy
the heart skips a beat
then two then four
end

The impending everything and a best friend leaving, sets the mood

I need to stop taking things for granted.

not applicable

2008-07-30T22:42:00.002+08:00

Sometimes life is a math problem with so many unknowns that all we want to do is see the answer, or if there even is one. Just to be sure, you know?

counting down

2008-07-15T00:30:00.003+08:00

My Superhero Right
glass-hero

If I owned time
the way it freezes
everytime you look my way
I'll close my eyes
and time will fly
and you'll be by my side

If I could soar
up and away
I'll take you with me
be your wings
we'll sit on the moon
and watch the world go by

You are my kryptonite
my strength and my bane
my saving grace
and everything else
I'll save the world
and let it all go for you

Oh jack, I really dont think I will ever be able to write songs, because I'm terribly cheesy when I'm not feeling bleak.

My telepathy lines will be pretty maxed out these coming few days, so if you wanna reach me you'd better use actual confrontation or sorts.
Channel nigel: sweet nothings that dont concern you
Channel jack: gibberish gibberish... I think you should buy it... gibberish... help me get that! gibberish gibberish... you should buy it because you didn't buy your mango dress for this
Channel melly: dont buy it cos you already have something like that. On second thought you don't care so buy it
Channel ming: we always miss each other's calls so this is the only way to communicate properly. Hi.

hurry

2008-07-01T14:13:00.002+08:00

before we get too old
and forget who we are
or what we were supposed to do

can't catch tomorrow

2008-06-22T17:46:00.003+08:00

Its a wonder
how one day can differ from the last,
in more ways than you would imagine

Gonna eat crab now, I'll be thinking of you bev ;P

so make a wish

2008-06-21T15:44:00.012+08:00

Last night the soft toys on my bed transformed, by the magic of the source of life Nicole Yong, into real life cuddlies,
an Unsmelly Melly,

Jacklyn Jane my telepathic person thing,

Miss Ming,

Sgt David,

Andrea-the-bedroom-monster and Bunny Bev.

And we lived happily ever after :)

blue rain

2008-06-10T22:52:00.002+08:00

Today I was in my mum's car, coming out of the Novena car park, and within seconds of entering the night's open air, it poured. A trillion cold bullets raining down upon the world. There's something about rain that makes puts me in a pensive mood. Maybe its because as a child I've always been awe-struck by its wonder and beauty. Just imagine, those billowing white clouds high up where we cannot reach them, falling down to earth :) Anyway, although I do associate rain with melancholy or heartache sometimes (why does it always rain when we're sad?), somehow I always find comfort in this weather. It's like the world is crying for you.
Tonight when it poured so suddenly, my heart leapt for joy. I'm not sure why, but I think its because I'm in love.

Lines from my favourite song:
You took your coat off and stood in the rain, you were always crazy like that. And I watched from my window, always felt I was outside, looking in on you

blaze

2008-05-30T02:52:00.000+08:00

I want it to be a good show.

what ifs

2008-05-15T00:01:00.005+08:00

Dance really makes me:
lose track of time
need chocolate (more)
drink water
get knotted hair
tired
happy

I'm a little apprehensive about the weekend. I'm scared out of my wits. So when it comes and I'm calm and smiling and saying nothing, its a strong front to a cowardly interior. Like too many times before, I'll hate myself for it.

Don't be a stranger

dont blink now

2008-04-27T23:13:00.006+08:00

where you at
its something else
in too deep
or long way side
dont let it make no difference
to how we ride

Random thought: my dreams always make perfect sense while I am in them, no matter how magical, frightening, inspirational, impossible. What happens when I wake up is, the details quickly slip, like water in cupped hands. The feeling lingers at first, like the many times I jolt awake from dreams of falling, or that one time I woke up crying because I dreamt something astounding (I know it must be GOD) changed my life. Within seconds this feeling will fade, and reality crashes in, melting the details, smearing the vividity. Finally all I have left is a memory of the feeling. In the end it doesn't matter. With exceptional cases that make for good small talk, no one really wants to hear about another person's dream.

balderdash, much

2008-04-22T18:00:00.002+08:00

Atonement is the saddest movie I've come to watch so far. Terrible, good. Does that make me a saddist? I'm really not, but it is undeniable that sadness touches my heart, at least if not people's in general, more than joy. I guess appreciation is key. What is riches without knowing what its like to have to scrouge; What are our achievements without the memory of slogging it out, and times we almost gave up but didn't; What is love, without the obstacles, or without the pining, missing? It would all be meaningless. I miss nigel.

Mmm, so much for distracting myself while waiting for dinner.

grand enough for this

2008-04-04T01:33:00.004+08:00

So I read The Five People You Meet in Heaven and watched The Bucket List and I think it would be nice to be old. For starters, it means you've outlived disease and accidental death so far. Then there's the liberation from society's restraints, and somehow you are excused from having to live under public glare, self-imposed or not. Anyway, at such an age, you are either consumed by all the guilt, regret and anger built up through your years, or you are incredibly optimistic, having seen life, found an understanding and learned to flow with it. There is none of the hurry that young people are always in, no heady irrational energy. Finally, old couples really give us hope, don't they :) I want to be an old lady one day, happy and in love.

The Halfway Song glass-hero
'... in your eyes
my soul unravels,
these words they come undone
and all I know
is I love you'

faith

2008-03-24T22:50:00.003+08:00

This was Good Friday

It's just wax from my candle.

There was a chance I was bored, but it is always a thereputic atmosphere, little flames burning in a breeze against the darkening sky, and you can't help but feel God closer than ever. It's enough, because the sermon's the same every year (that's how commemoration days usually backfire, they desensitize you), and the familiar faces only grow older.

Afterwards in bed in prayer, while taking my time to name all the miracles that I'm most thankful for, I realised it is in second chances and new beginnings. That's what Easter means to me, then.

worth

2008-03-16T02:22:00.005+08:00

Black Book Entry:
I caught 'I Love Huckabees' last night and I missed a large part of the start so its either that or it really is a confusing movie but, I was throughly confused and drawn to it at the same time. You know sometimes when you let your thoughts wander and delve deep, you start to question some of the constants in our lives and the pillars of our understanding of the universe, and suddenly everything sounds so alien? Yeah that's a cool feeling. I haven't figured out how that is cool in a money-making, life-supporting way, but who cares. Not everything is about that, right? I really don't know, actually. Sometimes when I'm back down on earth I really wish I could have stayed up in the clouds. Anyway, thoughts on existentialism keep my mind occupied.

To be continued with the subjects of stereotypes and de ja vus when I'm not so sleepy.

the highway song

2008-03-10T23:08:00.004+08:00

I wanted to say, so much for writing
so much for dreams.
I wanted to say, I feel so lost
but I resent these sudden impositions.
I wanted to say, I don't want pity
because I deserve it
and I'll be hardest on myself for it.
I wanted to say, all I want is for someone to believe in me,
and he was there all along.
It's all I'll ever need.

much like falling

2008-03-06T00:58:00.005+08:00

? by glass-hero

Let's talk about irrationality
but don't you know me by now?
Irrational fears
(I'll calm yours and you'll calm mine)
Don't you know me by now.
Sometimes I not sure I know myself
If found, take care.
There might not be an identity for this lost cause.

end

What I miss most:
long engaging conversations
moments to lose myself in

taken (with you)

2008-02-24T00:00:00.003+08:00

Baby I do hope you'll understand half of this post

I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I lovc you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you I love you

There now, steady love
so few come and don't go
Will you, won't you
be the one I'll always know
-The Fray

I'll look after you.

are you watching closely

2008-02-23T01:38:00.003+08:00

Someone said I should apply the insightful side of me that surfaces here to real life.
thing is I do
its just that its depressing,
and tiring
and lonely
and i'd go crazy for all the injustice and irony of this stoic world
that its easier to live in the shadows of contentment and simple thrills, and some nostalgia of old memories glorified by forgetfullness and what could have been
its not enough
but I'll try to take reflection in small doses
and hope (hope!) that one day I will be strong enough for real life

ersatz

2008-02-17T14:29:00.009+08:00

outline of a storyboard with no idea,
headfirst in the shallow end
-motioncity soundtrack

Its sad when a loved one passes away, goes away,
tragic if he fades away

the great escape

2008-02-13T22:07:00.002+08:00

let's see
how far I can run from next friday

this granted,

2008-02-06T16:27:00.000+08:00

Amidst the usual rumble that mummy preached today was
'Love runs dry'
Then came something about bleeding rocks and the river flows and it sounded all too much like a Japanese ballad.

'Hopeful' is really not an optimistic state of being.
Hope.
A fight
Highly similar to, and sometimes resulting in symptoms of Make Believe; See also: Dreams
Non-substansial, See also: Surreal
Mandatory to survival; see also: Love
Classified, a drug I'm running low on.

new year happy, red packet take here (direct translation)

close

2008-01-31T21:38:00.000+08:00

The River glass-hero

The river dances
with smiles of golden sun
it carries them to you

to you, to you
It carries them to you

For you are the centre of joy

These smiles were made for you

end

This came to mind one morning on my way to work. It was such a beautiful day and I thought of you :)

Do you ever feel like there are far too many people? I mean, if you believe in what the lady lead in Before Sunrise says, about the magic between people (which I do), there just isn't enough to go round. We can blame it on a desensitised society, laziness and so on, but maybe there's just a certain cap to the number of people we are capable of having real connetions to at once. The rest just dissoves into a background of shallow relations. Like in Fight Club, the idea of single-serving friends. Single-serving everything. The inevitable truth of modern life. Back to the first thought of out overpopulation, as I jostled among the mass of corporate men and women swarming to the base of the Raffles Place MRT escalator, I was hit by a sudden vision of some sort of giant looking down upon us in about as much disgust as would any of us looking at a cluster of ants around spilled syrup would feel.

Added to my List of Favourite Movies is City of God.

chronic youth

2008-01-19T09:48:00.000+08:00

Playing Peter glass-hero
When you grow up, your heart dies
but no one ever told me
it still breaks
For you, for you
it still broke for you.

Work week's been a daze of organization. What an oxymoronic way of life. When all's said and done, it was such fun playing work :) but now I'm due for a holiday. Phat Thai Talay!

P.S. I love you more :)

a philosopher's bane

2008-01-03T21:47:00.000+08:00

The Way Back Home glass-hero

Cold air sets the atmosphere.
Familiar hum of the engine
Reassurring rhythm of inertia
She rests her weight on the safety belt that holds her

The scenes slide by
behind reflected eyes,
glazed by
streetlights that come and go.
Never look back

She lifts her mind
spreads her thoughts over the sky
ponders the possibilities
and reveres the vastness
Somewhere between the boundless universe
and inside herself,
she finds solace
A sanctuary
of knowing
feeling

Surely, it is
her own secret from God
but she hopes
someone might know the way
anyway
That is how a soulmate is found

Ten years will seep
like water in cupped hands
Still in the passenger seat,
she will watch the world
experience will have worn
none of the wonder, only hope

The danger of mind exploration
is the loneliness of finding something beautiful
But there is comfort in an immensed soul
and the moment passes;
the streetlights are left behind
Home draws closer
and in her father's car,
a little girl's mind slips

end

new beginnings vs. perfect endings

2008-01-01T01:58:00.000+08:00

In light of how in the dark I've been about the world and life, I'm reading more. Tuesdays With Morrie. I know, I'm late on the uptake, but as Mitchell's Morrie would have you learn, its never too late.

EVANESCENCE
by glass-hero
If you evanesce now,
even slowly
If in a moment
I let you slip away
If ever
I lost that heart
deformed
perfect fit to mine
If you don't find your way back
I shall perish
and never reborn

end

imaginary

2007-12-25T19:01:00.000+08:00

namida uketomete

I've always liked looking up phrases in various languages
and lately I've traced this fetish back to its source
maybe I'm just trying to find the words I can't express

Humourous take: using personalities
I'm feeling ming today.
You handled that davidly.
But then, I'd never be anthea.

Merry Christmas, everyone :)

angel dust

2007-12-23T17:33:00.000+08:00

The days go by and its nothing but late mornings waking up to lunch, fuss-free (no need for wallet which means I won't lose it) shopping with family that reminds you of christmas, holiday movies that make you cry and remind you of christmas, curling into a ball reading Thank You For Smoking by Christopher Buckley, a national bestseller and now a motion picture from fox searchlight pictures, with a cynical attitude (note cynical) and lots of chocolate-munching, which reminds me of christmas too, and drinking warm soup against the temptous weather on the right side of the window, which really induces a cozy christmas feeling, no matter how low grade the Singapore christmas weather is compared to say, anywhere with snow.
Christmas is so romantic (;
Scary thought: being in love with the idea of love. Yeah really good going, Shakespeare, for getting us all soft-hearted with your epics then turning around and jacking us in the face.

in pencil

2007-12-21T17:09:00.000+08:00

I bought a book from Borders (no discount, sadly, Trish) to draw and write. Unfortunately it took two outings to muster the resolution to purchase it and the pink reptilian ones (S$5.95) I was eyeing were snapped up and I had to settle for a sobre black one (S$7.95). It's probably some mid-school crisis reflex and I'm subconsciously hoping my random thoughts and embarrassing poetry might eventually morph into a career/money-making venture or self discovery? Hmm. Anyway if Sylvia Plath can turn a stint in crazy rehab into genius work I'm gonna try. Mostly its embarrassing but, if I feel like humouring myself I might put some stuff up. This is the first entry.

LIST 1: Movies I Like. Its mostly my sister's fault that I'm turning into a movie junkie.
1. Girl, Interrupted
2. Before Sunrise (Sunset bombed)
3. Donnie Darko
4. Pan's Labyrinth
5. Saving Private Ryan
6. Detroit Rock City
7. Fight Club
8. Big Fish
9. Gladiator
10. Centerstage (bored of it, but I still fall in love with dance everytime)
11. Edward Scissorhands
12. The Notebook

Open to free interpretation:
'Torn between the resurrection and the unborn prophecy'

I think I'm an idealist, which is ironic because of my various mortally shortcomings. Sometimes I guess its alright to be one because it works as some sort of goal, and offers some purpose. However, when ideologies manifest themselves in sticky subjects like love it then proves to be stickier and at times impractical because I start to contradict myself trying to impose my logics on myself and the ones I love, and it all seems to surmise into a giant conspiracy against myself. Musing about how to turn this into a poem: it would have the title The Idealist and just emptiness below.

People always seem to know what they're doing. I wish I did.

-end of first entry-

congratulations i'm broke and broken

2007-12-20T02:51:00.000+08:00

ever so sweet
you baked it in cakes for me
-the early november

but after all
heart's still in your teeth, baby.

for the wrong reason

2007-12-19T11:55:00.000+08:00

The Gamble
glass-hero

Wait for it
wait for it
now's the time
put all your eggs on the roll
time.calories.credit.
your heart
cross your fingers
no matter how burnt
and pray your world
won't come crashing
because destiny,
GOD for those who believe,
doesn't play cause and effect
decipherable to Man
and you'll never know
if you'd made the right choice
until the end

end

Broke but not broken

let me stay

2007-12-12T05:10:00.000+08:00

you don't need this to know
but here I am to remind you anyway
you see most of these posts linger on you
likewise my thoughts
and all of my heart

until the seventeenth :)

come out of the shade

2007-12-05T16:41:00.000+08:00

trite
hackneyed
colloqiual
bourgeois
vanilla
middling
boilerplate
antheaseah
prosiac
garden
banal
white bread

exceptional words for mediocre.

like a prayer

2007-11-28T23:55:00.000+08:00

Bonnie and clyde necklace came in the mail today

Yesterday's farewell to the school
Tommorrow's (later) official farewell to cj dance
farewell studying farewell stress farewell exam pimples farewell undone homework guilt :D
farewell incandescence farewell dance farewell routines (dance or everyday) I've come to love :S
anyway I never dreamt of being in this school when I was in secondary and of course there were dark moments but nothing to regret
every chapter draws lessons, forges some real bonds

I've been dreaming of a true love's kiss

good love never dies

2007-11-21T18:57:00.000+08:00

:D
if the flow of updates is reduced to a meagre trickle,
it just means I'm happy

Swimming today was nostalgic and nauseating; the last time I actually swam instead of frolicking in the water was when I was a young and vibrant 12 year old. Oh, the years go by

intensities incarcerated

2007-11-16T23:43:00.000+08:00

I wanted to say, I love the way your eyes smile
because I love it when they do

binded wings and the descent

2007-11-14T22:16:00.000+08:00

its really not that bad
but we'll never see just what we're meant to be

shards to make a window

2007-11-12T19:24:00.000+08:00

secretly I fall to pieces
you always pick me up

original sin

2007-11-10T19:29:00.000+08:00

oh the woes of a shopaholic in the throes of A's

the only songs i listen to

2007-11-06T22:43:00.000+08:00

in retrospect,
its not my position to
although I always will

when everything feels like the movies
vaugue is the new sanctuary
sometimes I'm not sure what I mean myself
one day I might stop waiting, for anything at all

for now I'm content

eternal sunshine on the spotless mind

2007-10-31T20:09:00.000+08:00

Today I wrote about the power of the written language
I wonder if anyone ever reads this blog
and for what.

excuse the general dolor
I haven't danced in a thousand years

what's on your mind tonight
dont think too much you'll go blind
make it easy find a beast in me

forever is an awfully long time

2007-10-21T20:17:00.000+08:00

I think on this one,
I'm really on my own

and I can hardly tell you i'm ok

see the months they dont matter
its the days I can't take
as the hours move to minutes
and I'm seconds away

scares the shit out of me

keeping warm

2007-10-11T14:46:00.000+08:00

glass hero
behind the looking glass
lives a product
of exposure to
the fear of undoing
that breeds pretense
leaks meaning
trickles to nothing
relection of the world.
Which is image,
truth

forgone unforgotten

2007-10-01T02:00:00.000+08:00

oh, why you look so sad
tears are in your eyes
come on and come to me now
dont be afraid to cry
let me see you through
cos I've seen the dark side too
when the night falls on you
you dont know what to do
nothing you confess could make me love you less
I'll stand by you

when the bough breaks

2007-09-21T17:31:00.000+08:00

hey now
dont we all have a darker shade
who will be the one to save our souls
say I forgive
and dont expect to be forgiven

the aftertaste stinks

2007-09-19T21:37:00.000+08:00

prelims woke me up
I was never sleeping about it
but neither was I fully appreciative
of the time we have left
on this earth
I mean,
in school
Dear GOD this is the biggest shot isn't it
Come on.

without warning
like a whirlwind swoops on an oak
love shakes my heart

yet

2007-09-17T13:18:00.000+08:00

Pride ruined the angels
their shame them retores
Lurks the joy that is the sweetest
in stings of remorse

I'm so tired of being here
whales , dolphins, horses
whales , dolphins, horses
whales , dolphins, horses
whales , dolphins, horses
whales , dolphins, horses
whales , dolphins, horses
whales , dolphins, horses
whales , dolphins, horses
whales , dolphins, horses
whales , dolphins, horses

prelims you suck. go away

2007-08-11T11:51:00.000+08:00

Times like these
I really want to be able to say Twist!
Just freeze everything
freeze it
this predicament
And nothing can touch us.

But time,
Time still exists

Do you realize how happy you make me?

guns and roses

2007-08-04T12:18:00.000+08:00

for CJ Dance

As the curtains draw tonight

Applause resounding in the hall
resounding in our hearts

we close our eyes to savour the moment

And it comes,
like the flashback that comes before the close
a rush of Kodak shots
passion
frustration
pain
mirth
butterflies
adrenaline

tasting the fruits
high of the moment that the soul comes in sync with the music

and its heaven to me

This journey is young.

I love you dancers!

horcrux this heart

2007-08-03T01:46:00.000+08:00

4 days short
of the best 8 months
ever

4 am forever

2007-07-19T23:59:00.000+08:00

Maybe I'll never see you smile again
Maybe you thought it was all pretend
All these words that I could never say
I just let them slip away
-lostphrophets

All that could never be said
All that could never be done
Wait for us at last
Somewhere back of the sun
In The End
All the heart broke to forego
Shall be ours without pain

sympathy for lady vengence

2007-07-16T21:52:00.000+08:00

It is now my personal agenda to slay all phone-snatchers. Look out, blue polo temasek poly beng.

said you're my saving grace

2007-07-08T15:11:00.000+08:00

so I put my arms around you around you
and hope that I will do no wrong
my eyes they're on you they're on you
and I hope that you wont hurt me
Elisa-Dancing

That just got me addicted to love and dance all over again.
Yeah thanks nat :)

wisdom

2007-07-05T22:56:00.000+08:00

When I have ceased to break my wings
against the faultiness of things
and learn that compromises wait
behind each hardly opened gate,
when I have looked Life in the eyes
grown calm and very coldly wise,
Life will have given me the truth
and taken in exchange -- my youth.

I hope you mean it

turn it up

2007-07-01T16:54:00.000+08:00

for all that we're worth
maybe we should never had evolved
from sharks and, pufferfishes? haha
wait, can sharks dance?

The more I see the less I know the more I like to let it go

the best prescription

2007-06-21T02:40:00.000+08:00

pardon my silence
so long starved,
I savour the moments
with good old real friends

second heartbeat

2007-06-09T23:06:00.000+08:00

come back to the days when nothing else mattered

the best nights

2007-05-31T01:53:00.000+08:00

Not a day, not a day passes

That I don't think of you

reeling

2007-05-17T21:41:00.000+08:00

Exams in a few days makes me go GAHH
Cramps the day before 4 x 4 sprint makes me go GAHhh...
Wasted dance session due to Ryan's flu makes me go GAAAAAH
Lack of motivation to study makes me go GGGAH
Finding my Wetseal goods are out of stock which renders all the tediousness of choosing between dresses and calculating and transferring cash useless makes me go GAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
stupid sprees and riduculous retail therapy. I guess school and night study serves as rehabilitation, but the studying part causes too intense withdrawal symptoms. I need dance. And dancers.

Well all these and it's not surprising that I'm your Paranoid Android for the week. Or maybe month. Heck, until A's are over and done.

does anybody see
that when the lights are out
something's killing me

who's gonna catch me when I fall

inspiration jewel

2007-05-05T21:41:00.000+08:00

I/ I have black hair/ I pluck my eyebrows/ I have my father's ears/ my mother's hands/ I have worn feet/ and three dimples/ I played the piano/ I used to get sick alot/ I like the colour of the sea/ I've cheated on tests/ I've faked ID/ But my hair is still black/ and my feet are still worn/ and I probably won't always like/ the colour of the sea/
/I have a firm behind/ I have lips that smile/ I have veins that bleed/ I tingle all over when I'm nervous/ I feel the pain of others/ but don't cry for my failures/ When I dance I try to find my identity/ but mostly I lose myself/ I'm secretly competitive/ I've cheated on diets/ I've lied through my teeth/ But I still bleed/ and my lips still smile/ and my butt won't/ always be firm/
/I have strong legs/ I have big eyes/ and dark circles to bag them/ I have a nose/ borrowed from my grandmother/ I can understand Teochew/ My right feet can't point as well as my left/ I sing to mend my heart/ I'm sentimental/ I used to dream of flying/ I've cheated on appointments/ I faked Bhangra accents/ But I still have searching eyes/ and my heart still breaks/ I probably won't always have strong legs/ and I may not always feel sentimental/ but maybe I'll start/ dreaming of/ flying again

silence before the applause

2007-04-28T16:31:00.000+08:00

Thrice in 6 years
The third and last was the best
Beacuse we lost ourselves to the music
Let it take control of our souls
for five minutes
and the memory will last a lifetime

eternal sunshine on the spotless mind

2007-04-16T21:25:00.001+08:00

I've never had so many scabs, this is eczema at its worst for me since like, 4? Had many blister bubbles on my soles before, but today is the first one I got filled with blood. I'm hoping these are actually good omens of the impending SYF, because these are battle scars that we all carry, though fortunately (fingers crossed) they wont be permanent. All the way, way, way, way, uh patrick stop that. Haha.

At this point I'll laugh at something I find funny. HAHAHAHAHhahahahahah. hurrrrr.

Well I'll be up and prancing around the quadrangle by 6.45am tommorow (all in the name of stamina and good physique) so I'll brave the long day till after tuition when I can finally meet the few people from my beautiful, mochi-filled past. Come on and sing the mochi song :)

So when you wake up and it's a particularly beautiful day, you'll know we made it

april's fools

2007-04-08T00:39:00.000+08:00

Just realized how close SYF is, and how eurgh the costume is. Well at least there won't be any accidents with this one piece costume like in the full dress rehearsal in st nicks last SYF. We can do it, its only a matter of making Ryan's pee go right back up.

sometimes it only takes a friend

yes madness

2007-03-27T22:22:00.000+08:00

Confundus says,
breathing chinchillas and guinea pigs can't be good for sinus
on stage, explode or be swallowed
according to the wave spectrum, the cousin of violet light is ultraviolet
hence the cousin of man is ultraman
and of course, the cousin of heathrr mo is nico mo

tourniquet

2007-03-19T19:13:00.000+08:00

I know its crazy everyday
Tommorrow might shaky
But dont you ever turn away

all the way, friend :)

the stars collide

2007-03-15T23:29:00.000+08:00

lets get these two hearts beating

2007-03-12T00:19:00.000+08:00

The man with
the elizir of life in his hands
must have the stamina
of ten thousand steeds
for who could want more of life
when some at seventeen, already are
tired of life
tired of everyday's routine/adventure
tired of the pandemonium/monotony
tired of waiting/rushing
tired of appointments/disappointments
tired of being responsible/irresponsible
tired of the shivers that come
when the heart weeps
while the pride bristles
and the outside must stay strong

I guess this man
with the elizir of life in his hand
has to have
true love in his other

kill me while i still think you were meant for me

quotes for gp

2007-02-25T23:04:00.000+08:00

I think I've shown half the world this last year, but it made me smile in the midst of CT agony, while reading through my notes, so I'm going to share it again:

"Attention to health is life's greatest hindrance."
- Plato (427-347 B.C.)
"Plato was a bore."
- Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)
"Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal."
- Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)
"I'm not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy."
- Ernest Hemingway (1899-1961)
"Hemingway was a jerk."
- Harold Robbins

Adding to my collection, of course, is the one and only best quote I've heard in the span of my 17 plus years on the face of this Earth:

"You gotta do what you gotta do" -Jesus Thedeas Gonzalez, Associate Professor of the National University of Brazil (NUB)

:)

To end off, a heartfelt cliche courtesy of William Shakespeare:
Doubt that the stars are fire, doubt that the sun doth move, doubt truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love (you).

never gonna catch tommorrow

2007-02-24T21:49:00.000+08:00

girl you just can't dance forever

All this trying to mug is stressing me so much I got a pimple on my cheek. And I can't get past the stupid level on my phone's blockbreakers, which I am only playing to distract me from mugging. Life sucks.

Alright stop laughing at my expense, it's times like this when we wonder what we are doing, really. I'm not convinced that I will apply diffrerentiation and integration in real life (although I did just spent a long time studying their applications) at all. We're all working towards a good life, but we already are burning it away.

Well I really shouldn't procrastinate anymore.

absence makes the heart grow fonder

2007-02-15T00:37:00.000+08:00

Sara Bay left for Australia two weeks after she informed us indirectly. Suddenly we treasure the moments we had come to take for granted, and through playing hide and seek with her other friends to steal more alone time and runing like fugitives around the airport in search of mochi, came a sense of holding on to, well, sara of course, and the stupid things that we found thrills in. I didnt shed a tear because I know you'll be happy and back to visit soon.

Dance like everyone's watching.

'The Sunflower' by William Blake
Ah, Sunflower! weary of time,
Who countest the steps of the sun,
seeking after the sweet golden clime
where the traveller's journey is done;
Where the youth pined away with desire
and the pale virgin shrouded with snow.
Arise from their race, and aspire
Where my sunflower wishes to go

Take care, my Little Sunflower

cross worlds

2007-02-08T11:24:00.000+08:00

Thank you baby
Thank you friends
Thank you teachers
Thank you medics
and thank you so much GOD

CJC cross country 'o7 is the bomb seriously
best experience ever
I'm serious
ran past the finishing line and then there was blackness
really wanted to get up and stop fainting but my muscles wont listen
when they put me on the stretcher i was trying not to fall off
could hear but i was frozen
thank GOD for nigel and ming
and of course mr tay
you're so sweet, haha
after a while i unfroze and i think i vomitted
got out of the ambulance and lay on the grass
cos there was more air, and
i was contemplating the questions of the universe
so i wanted to see the sky
right then, right there
with you by my side
When something like this happens
you'll find that the constrictions that society has integrated into your brain loosens
so that the essence of your soul finds its way out
and you find yourself.
I also found the people who are my real to me
If i laughed then, it wasnt just the high of the moment
I was happy to have found all of you
who made me the happiest girl
yesterday

approximately beyond forever

2007-01-17T23:14:00.000+08:00

07's been a rush so far, shall start with replies
ta: hi mrs sotong
amanda: come on la
anonymous: thank you you're too kind, same to you
natg: I miss you and love you and want to try your cooking
geri: :)
stelli: its good
eileen: talk soon're getting browner again like in sec2! yay
ming: my heroine

And in no particular order whatsoever, to the January babies,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEBBIE ( DEBORAH JEAN LEE MEILING )
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHEANG HUI HUI ( ELIZABETH )
HAPPY BIRTHDAY JASON ( YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE )
HAPPY BIRTHDAY MEL T ( MELISSA TAHAJA )
HAPPY BIRTHDAY GERI ( HOR MAN TING GERALDINE)
If i missed out anyone, either you're Jason or you're not special enough. No la, happy birthday! :)

Updates
I'm finally on official leave for the rest of the year from Horizon, yay to more free time, boo to no more excuses for not doing homework
New phone again after I lost it on the way to Kallang Theatre, so if you're msging for the first time in a while please identify yourself
Watch Pan's Labriynth its good
I love 8, previously 28

you have three wrists to use

2006-12-26T16:12:00.000+08:00

When January arrives
Fat with challenges, promises and miscelleneous
I will open them one by one
Slowly, carefully
Savouring every moment
As if each one were a forgotten Christmas gift
Precious and exciting
I will leave my dread and sloth behind
though they might drag me down
I will put down what I should have left long ago
and start over on a clean slate
I will still be there for all ye beloved:
old, new and most
as I always will be
I will brave the battles
to treasure the memories
I will expect the worst
And hope for the best

so give me novocaine

2006-12-20T21:25:00.001+08:00

Shivers in the tropics, as Amanda says. I want my La Senza PJs and warm duvets without the mountain of papper towels or stomachaches. I swear this nose will be the death of me. Still, dead or alive I'll be dancing my head off come mororow. Somehow I always feel tons better when dancing :) I think barre work works better on me than Panadol, and I'm not saying this just becuse I'm allergic to the latter. Well I hope it works again, then I can stop breathing through my mouth, which sucks, literally.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY NATALIE GRINT, natty watty crabby patty! May you transform into a prima-ballerina-swan-princess-witch on your 18th <3

blue steel

2006-12-15T21:39:00.000+08:00

behind some doors people are waiting to sparkle

Petong was way better than Kahang; clear shallow waters far out on white sand and enough shooting stars to last me quite a while. Somehow I only managed to see one proper sunset and sunrise. The nights were especially beautiful (; I think I'm going to die there, although no one believes me. I saw it in my dreams, really really really.

faith hope & glory

2006-12-04T21:18:00.000+08:00

All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.
From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.

JRR Tolkien

burnt autumn (I got it I got it :D)

2006-11-24T20:34:00.000+08:00

I declare, I cannot wait to be on my toes dancing again!

NEGOTIATION
I'll take the order
You take the dinner;
I'll have the laughs
You have the smiles;
I'll take my time
You have the moments;
I'll have my pie
And eat it too

:D my sincere apologies if I poisoned anyone with my lemon coconut meringue. You'll get over it. Ok, I'll get over it in time, after I start on other recipes. Muahahahaha. On a side note, after a year together, T14 has so far progressed to: played icebreaker games! starstarstarstarstarexcellent

Are you a retard? Your Result: Congratz! you are a certified retard! either you are fresh out of rehab or have recently been experiencing severe head trauma. but then again, if you are this much of a retard, how do you know how to use a computer? how do you know how to spell c-o-m-p-u-t-e-r? one thing's for sure though, you ARE one of the biggest retards because you took my stupid quiz, ya retard!
uhhh...
gafagahaga
aargh!
well...
congratulations!
geek!
wow!
Are you a retard? Quiz Created on GoToQuiz

in the valhalla of my heart

2006-11-02T17:16:00.000+08:00

Moon river, wider than a mile
I'm crossing you in style someday

Watched The Guardian, Deathnote and The Prestige while waiting for Step Up
Found Little Thailand somewhere near Lavender, but it was mostly disappointing
Got caught in the rain, ended up playing cards
Forgot my $50 change buying Uzamaki Matcha ice cream,
but of course its not my fault, I was just doing my best

Recommendations
Book(s): Lemony Snicket's A Series of Unfortunate Events. Its a childhood refound, and filled with the quirkiest details and narrative while suspending a tantalising mystery. I'm only missing Book the Thirteenth, The End :) can't wait
Pride and Prejudice. Don't be fooled by its age, this novel is chick lit. Serious.

Show: Full House (duh) Yea its been so long and still, haha. Considering the number of people I've converted, I think I deserve that $888 ticket for Rain's concert.

Food: Pork Floss Buns. Just a phase.
Lamingtons from the pie shop at raffles city
Bread Pudding! Homemade ;D

We're after the same rainbow's end
Waiting round the bend
-Frank Sinatra

catch me as I fall?

2006-10-18T23:06:00.000+08:00

In the centre of
A raging tornado
There is only
Tranquility
What are the chances of finding that peace?
What are the chances

What are the chances, the possibilities are endless. Unfortunately my life isn't.